“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” Jim Rohn said. An insightful observation, indeed. The influence of our closest friends is constant and inexorable, like the pull of the moon on the ocean’s tides.

Our friends can make or break us. An ancient Hebrew proverb says, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” The friends we choose and keep will either make us or break us.

It behooves us, then, to become excellent judges of character.

But what do you look for in a potential friend? What character qualities set life-giving relationships apart from draining ones? In this post, I’ll share 10 qualities of a good friend, 3 of which I learned from Keith Ferrazzi’s book Who’s Got Your Back.

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10 Qualities You’ve Got to Have in a Friend

1. Generosity

A good friend wants to help. He gives freely and joyfully of his time, energy, knowledge, and/or resources. Generous people leave you feeling grateful and, perhaps, even indebted. They inspire you to give.

2. Kindness

A kind person actively looks for what’s positive in others so that she can commend them for it. She affirms but doesn’t flatter. Her words will encourage you when you’re down, and you’ll want to be around her.

3. Vulnerability

Vulnerable people are REAL. They reveal both their strengths and weaknesses, their successes and their flaws. They sympathize with your fears and failures by sharing their own. In short, they’re more interested in transparency than in impressing you.

4. Candor

A person of candor values the truth. He tells you how it is instead of telling you what you want to hear. He’s willing to risk what you think of him in order to help you grow and reach your potential. You can count on him to give you the unbiased facts.

5. Safety

The previous two qualities depend on this one. A safe person never shares your secrets or personal information without your permission. When you open up, she loves you more; she never belittles you for your thoughts, feelings, or flaws. She fully accepts the real you.

6. Faithfulness

It’s easy to be a friend when all is well, but faithful friends are there when your world turns upside down. They are, at times, “closer than a brother”. Through the years and at any time – even 3 a.m. – you can depend on them.

7. Humility 

Is your friend humble? Does he quickly admit when he’s wrong? Is he just as excited about your success as he is about his own? If yes, he’s a humble friend – one who may just be your biggest fan.

8. Forgiveness

No relationship can endure the test of time apart from forgiveness. An exceptional friend is quick to forgive. When he forgives, he may still remember the offense, but he chooses not to dwell on it or bring it up again. He values his relationship and initiates reconciliation.

9. Intentionality

Because our friends influence us so strongly, it’s important to have friends who live every day with purpose. A friend who understands herself and the direction she wants her life to go can inspire you. Her discipline, commitment, and work ethic are contagious. She won’t let you live an aimless life.

10. Learner

Is your friend a learner? This kind of friend is always growing. He learns from criticism, from books, from seminars, from audio presentations, from peers, from mentors- whatever teaching he can get his hands on. He’s driven to improve and to reach his potential, and we all need this kind of person in our lives.

If your friend possesses these qualities in increasing measure, she’s headed in the right direction. She’s the type of person who will inspire you to live a better life. Do yourself a favor, and make sure your closest friends are people like her.

What character qualities do you value in a friend? Share your thoughts in the comments!