In a previous post, I shared several suggestions that can help you enjoy more interesting conversations. The strategies are most helpful when you’re talking to down-to-earth, practical, “here-and-now” people. When these folks are friends, family members, or coworkers, the work it takes to go deep is often worth the results.
But how can you have a conversation that you’ll really enjoy? And how can you find a suitable conversation partner who shares your passions and interests?
In short, the key is to find someone who shares your interests, and that someone will likely be an intuitive. But before we talk about the hows of finding intuitives, let’s explore why you enjoy deep conversations.
Why deep conversations?
INFJs tend to spend a lot of time thinking. We enjoy tackling deep Whys, learning how the world works on a grand scale, developing subject area expertise, and researching a variety of topics.
I recently talked to Michael Hudson on The INFJ Personality Show. Michael is a professional speaker who’s given over 8,000 keynote addresses. In sharing his story, he explained that 4-H projects changed his life because they gave him an opportunity to indulge his curiosity and dig deeply into a variety of topics.
It’s also not surprising that many INFJs gravitate toward work that allows them to think deeply. I’m meeting more and more INFJs who are professors or private consultants with special expertise.
When I was first getting to know an INFJ family member, I was taken aback by her interest and enthusiasm for topics such as creation, geology, and astronomy. She had no problem talking for 45 minutes straight about why the Earth’s various layers appear as they do and what she’d discovered about them on a trip through the mountains. Most INFJs, myself included, can go on and on about a topic they’re passionate about.
Because we love to go deep, it’s a real treat when we find a conversation partner who shares our passion and depth of interest in a particular subject or variety of subjects. And those people are usually other intuitives.
How to find someone who shares your interest…
If you want to go deep, you should look to intuitives. While sensors, for the most part, tend to focus on the present or the past and are concerned with what they can observe with there senses, intuitives enjoy exploring new ideas, theories, possibilities, and explanations. That’s not to say that you can’t have an enthralling conversation with a sensor who’s a subject area expert or wants to dig into a mutual topic of interest. It’s just that intuitives are more likely to want to take the conversation deeper and talk about the kinds of things that excite you.
What to look for…
To find and get to know other intuitives, look for voracious learners – people who read, listen, and watch videos on a variety of topics regularly. Also, keep an ear out for the folks who are talking about subjects other than sports, weather, fashion, and news most of the time.
Intuitives, like you, who employ introverted intuition (Ni) will want to dig especially deep into their passions and interests, though they may be into a number of different things. They’ll likely be adding to their knowledge and refining their understanding on a continual basis. Extroverted intuition (Ne) users, in contrast, will enjoy exploring new ideas and possibilities more than anything. The thrill of a new venture or topic to learn can get them going in no time.
Where to look…
In your search for intuitives – and someone interesting to talk to – it may help to join some special interest groups. If, for instance, you’re into geology, songwriting, or personality typology, consider joining an online (e.g. membership sites) or local group. You’ll likely bump into some other intuitives or folks who share your interest. Book discussion groups can also be great places to find like-minded people.
A big key is training your brain to pick up on the signs of an intuitive person. Are any of the people in your work, family, community, or church circles…
- Knowledgeable (about many topics)?
Like driving a new car opens your eyes to cars of the same make and model, finding an intuitive or two will help you identify and connect with others. You’ll be surprised how many have been sliding under your radar all this time.
Connecting and going deeper…
When you think you’ve found someone interesting to talk to, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and strike up a conversation. INFJs are introverts, but we tend to be some of the more social introverts. And even if it’s a bit awkward, the lure of a refreshingly deep conversation may be all you need to go for it anyway.
I recently found out that one of the guys in my reading group is an intuitive similar to me. We eventually both recognized we had a lot in common, and I invited him over for dinner. I’m looking forward to getting to know him better and going deep!
I have another friend whom I’ve known for years. It wasn’t until recently, however, that we started to spend more time together and have some great conversations. When I wasn’t looking for the signs of an intuitive, I didn’t notice just how much he enjoyed reading and learning, so I missed out on really connecting for a long time.
When you connect with someone and the two of you go deep, try meeting up on a regular basis. And “regular” can mean anything you all want it to mean: weekly, monthly, whenever your paths cross, etc.
Talk over coffee, on the phone, via Skype. Just make time to have the kinds of conversations you were made to have. You’ll feel a whole lot better, and your other relationships will benefit too.