How to Be More Confident as an INFJ

Do you ever wish you had more confidence?

A lot of INFJs do. Most are intelligent, creative, caring people, but they fall prey to feelings of inferiority and brokenness because they think and behave so differently than the rest of the world.

It doesn’t help that INFJs tend to be perfectionists either. While they often extend grace to others, they’re demanding of themselves.

And when the world constantly reminds you that you’re different and you have to measure up to your own high standards, it’s easy to start beating yourself up. It’s no surprise, then, that many INFJs could use a confidence boost.

The good news is that your confidence is like a muscle: You can strengthen it through regular exercise. Here are 5 ways to do just that.

How can you be a more confident INFJ? Don't let feelings of inferiority and brokenness boss you around anymore. Try these 5 things to boost your confidence!

1. String a few wins together.

You can develop your confidence by stringing a few wins together. That’s what leadership guru John Maxwell teaches in his book Be a People Person.

Choose an interest, skill, or hobby to focus on – one that you care about deeply or that you’re at least more interested in than others. Then, commit to working on it every week.

When I started blogging, I decided to write a new post every week. That commitment wasn’t easy to keep. Many times I’d barely squeeze it in hours before publication, and some posts took much longer to write than I expected. But each time I finished a new one, it gave me a confidence boost. I was keeping my promise to myself and growing as a writer.

What skill or interest could you hone?

2. Track your metrics.

Sometimes my intuition gets the best of me. I work toward a goal and fail to see my little steps of progress because I’m focused on the big picture. I need to zero in on the specific actions I took.

To help me with this, I started tracking my progress in a Google Sheet a few years ago. Each week I record the blog post I’ve written, the number of workouts I’ve completed, and how many books I’ve read. It’s become a habit.

When I enter my stats on Saturday or Sunday I get a boost of confidence that adds to my momentum. Do you track your progress?

3. Keep an encouragement file.

When people say something thoughtful about you, save it for a rainy day. I have a file with encouraging notes that I keep on my computer. When I get depressed, especially when I’ve failed to meet a short-term or long-term goal, I’ll pull out the file and review the uplifting comments. It helps get me back into a more positive frame of mind.

When I forget to look at the file, sometimes my wife will even tell me to pull it out. She knows that it helps!

Do you have a place where you’re tracking your little victories and the kind words people have shared with you? It can go a long way in boosting your mood and your confidence.

4. Think positively.

My life changed significantly when I started listening to books on the way to and from work. Following Zig Ziglar’s recommendation, I decided to invest my drive time in learning and consuming positive, personal growth audio. After listening for a few weeks, I started to think more positively and have more and better ideas. And when I had a bad day, I was able to bounce back more quickly.

Spending time with the right people can help you think positively too. Try to end or spend less time with people who complain and befriend people you admire who are learning and growing. Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Hanging out with the right people will change your life and increase your confidence.

5. Celebrate your unique gifts.

Finally, when you’re so different than the people around you, it’s super easy to feel discouraged, broken, and messed up. You start comparing yourself to them and putting yourself down because you never seem to measure up.

One thing that helped me fight feelings of inferiority and brokenness was understanding and developing my INFJ gifts. I started learning how my mind worked and leaning into my creative process.

Now, instead of feeling messed up, I think about how I’m able to do things many of the people around me can’t. I know I have gifts they need and can benefit from, similarly to how I need and benefit from their gifts and abilities.

Conclusion

You may be rare and different, but you are special and needed. Always remember that. This world needs what you have to offer. Let that truth give you confidence.

What’s helped you boost your INFJ confidence?

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • Myrna Pouyatt

    This was helpful in that I could see how I had been doing this in one area of my life. I am a knitter. Several years ago I wrote in a journal that I wanted to become an expert at knitting. I kept track of my accomplishments and I can truly say I am a very confident knitter. There isn’t anything I won’t try at least once in regards to knitting techniques. I never thought to extend that to other areas of my life, but after reading this article, I will look into other ways to do this. Often times I don’t feel really confident and I do tend to be very perfectionistic. I’m working on saying it’s good enough with some things. Thanks for another great article!

    • Bo Miller

      That’s awesome, Myrna! I love that you honed your knitting skills. That’s a great way to use your creativity. And kudos on tracking your accomplishments too! That phrase “good enough” is an important one to learn for sure. I’m learning to say it – but I seldom like it. Thanks for sharing, and you’re welcome!

  • SANDEE MARTINDALE

    I love this article i never thought of tracking my accomplishments Especially now I am finally doing my dream study i tend to get discouraged as I look at the Big picture not the smaller steps I also keep a happy file I jot down when someone says something nice to me as well as getting on line ones a lady in class said how far i’ve come in confidence the other day i don’t ‘see’ that but i wrote it down anyway Can you recommend books to listen to???? I have a two hour drive each way I listen to music but I could learn also 🙂 thankyou for your posts Ive only just found you There is only one other blog i follow on INFJ personality
    as you guys are so real thankyou so much

    • Bo Miller

      Hi, Sandee! Glad you enjoyed the article. 🙂

      I like the term “happy file” – that’s a good way to think about it. Good stuff. The small steps definitely make a big difference. Congrats on that stellar confidence-related complement!

      I enjoy listening to John Maxwell, Jim Rohn, and Zig Ziglar. Some of my favorite authors are Chip and Dan Heath and Malcom Gladwell. They cover a lot of psychological concepts in really interesting language. Maxwell, Rohn, and Ziglar are instructive and encouraging. One of my all-time favorite books is The Slight Edge by Jim Olsen. Earl Nightingale is also good.

      I’m curious: What are you studying? 🙂

      I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed the posts! Thanks for sharing!

      • SANDEE MARTINDALE

        Bo I am studying Auslan, the Deaf sign language of Australia A lovely graceful language to learn

        • Bo Miller

          Wow! That sounds really awesome, Sandee. 🙂 Enjoy!

          • SANDEE MARTINDALE

            I am!!! 🙂

  • Patty

    Thanks again Bo for some GREAT pointers. I can see the usefulness in each and every one of them in boosting confidence. Some of the points I have successfully put into effect in my life, but would like to try the ones I haven’t like the tracking of goals. Is a Google Sheet the same as Excel? The one thing I have difficulty in is that I have trouble setting goals…perhaps because I feel that I won’t reach them so why bother. Hmmm. Time to rethink that.

    • Bo Miller

      Patty, great work putting some of these into practice already. 🙂 Yes, Sheets is just Google’s version of Excel. Either one works. I would definitely encourage you to set doable goals that excite you. Working toward them can be a extremely rewarding. What’s something you might want to work toward? Thanks for sharing!

  • sierra

    I lift weights and do tough workouts and that boosts my confidence for sure.
    If I’m feeling really down on myself I make my husband hold me and tell me a few things that he loves about me. That really helps.
    Thanks Bo, funny how us INFJs seem to struggle in similar ways!

    • I laughed out loud when I read about you and your husband. My wife does the same thing – and quite frankly, I really appreciate her encouragement when I need confidence. I tell her all the time that I didn’t accomplish nearly as much before I married her.

      A tough workout is definitely a great confidence booster. Love it! Thanks, Sierra.

  • Awesome, Patty! I like that goal. 🙂