73 Things I Wish You Knew About Me as an INFJ

If you’re an INFJ, you probably know what it’s like to feel misunderstood. We INFJs make up just 1-2% of the population after all.

When I discovered that my Myers-Briggs personality type is INFJ, things that never made sense before started to click. I finally understood why I think so differently than other people and that there’s nothing wrong with me. (These are two of the great benefits of understanding your personality type.)

Because I’m an INFJ and INFJs are so rare, there are a number of things people don’t know about me that I wish they did. So I’ve decided to share a few of those particulars in this post.

These 73 thoughts and observations are in random order. Furthermore, while many of these traits and characteristics are true of most INFJs, please keep in mind that some are unique to me.

Want a life that better suits your INFJ personality? Download the list of My Favorite INFJ Resources to discover how to create it.

As an INFJ, I wish people understood me better. Only 1-2 percent of people share my personality type. In this post, I share some of what makes me tick.

(This article was published at IntrovertDear.com. CLICK HERE to read it. )

1. I’m hyper-sensitive to criticism. Most INFJs – myself included – are prone to take feedback personally.

2. I have a good idea what people are thinking and feeling before they tell me.

3. I enjoy people in one-on-one settings and in small groups.

4. I hate chores and routine tasks.

5. I could spend my whole life on a quest to discover God’s unique purpose for me.

6. I struggle to be in and enjoy the moment. My mind either drifts into the future or into thoughts and feelings.

7. I love ideas, insights, and “ahas!”.

8. I, as are most INFJs, am a personal growth junkie.

9. My idea of fun is working alone on a meaningful project for hours.

10. I can get so caught up in research or in a project that I lose track of time and forget to eat.

11. I’m creative and need an outlet for creativity, so I write.

12. I crave depth in relationships.

13. I need to be alone.

14. I have an insatiable appetite for learning.

15. Problem solving fires me up.

16. I struggle to share clear, concise thoughts in casual conversation because I tend to mull over a number of ideas simultaneously.

17. After a long week, an exciting Friday is one I spend at home doing research.

18. Designing and implementing organizational systems that enhance my efficiency makes me happy inside.

19. People think I’m an extrovert – but I just have decent people skills. I’ve got to be alone to recharge.

20. I live in the future: I love to plan a year, 5 years, 10 years, or 20 years in advance.

21. As an INFJ, I tend to think more like a 90-year-old than the 30-year-old I am.

22. I’m temperamental and prone to high highs and low lows.

23. I have a hard time doing work that I’m not passionate about.

24. I see other people’s points of view pretty easily.

25. When other people can only see their perspective – and they think the rest of the world is broken – that really frustrates me.

26. I love figuring out what makes other people tick.

27. While sticking to one train of thought is difficult for me, writing is way more natural. The writing process gives me time to think and sort through my ideas.

28. There’s a part of my brain that plays with words all day long.

29. I come up with extemporaneous raps, rhymes, poetry, and puns on a daily basis.

30. I write personalized songs and poems for people I know well.

31. I’m reticent to share what I really think and feel because I’m so sensitive to criticism.

31. I’m a perfectionist, and “good enough” is almost never good enough.

32. I’m an intuitive, abstract thinker and can be impractical.

33. I prefer to communicate in analogies and metaphors.

34. I think about what my life will amount to when all is said and done on an almost daily basis.

35. People say that Martin Luther King, Jr., Ghandi, and Mother Teresa were INFJs too.

36. I’m a messed up sinner like everybody else.

37. I love technology for how it eliminates routine work, evolves and changes, communicates, and weds concepts.

38. If it weren’t for my dad, I’d be horrible with money. As it is, I’m the spender in my marriage.

39. Where I live doesn’t matter as much as what I do and why I do it.

40. I get so caught up in my head and my thoughts that I’m prone to walk into doors.

41. I’ve walked into several of them at night when the lights were off. Even though I should know the inside of my house like the back of my hand, I forget where things are and have poor depth perception.

42. Words of affirmation and quality time with people who are close to me fills my love tank.

43. I do enjoy having fun and acting ridiculous with people who know me well.

44. My primary school teachers worried that I couldn’t think logically. Thankfully, that part of my mind has developed over time.

45. Until I married my wife, I had a hard time being direct and telling it how it is. I was scared to death of hurting other people’s feelings.

46. I love to make people laugh.

47. I create a goal log each week that helps me make progress toward my long-term goals.

48. I track my progress in a personal growth spreadsheet.

49. I try to journal my top three daily priorities Monday through Friday.

50. I love audiobooks and books in general. (I went through 85 last year.)

51. Sharing insights and helping other people better understand themselves excites me.

52. I’m like an iceberg. What I say out loud is the tip. The goliath mass lurking below the surface represents the crazy thoughts and feelings swarming in my head. They’re always there, regardless of what you see and hear.

53. I generally look calm and placid, but I rarely feel that way.

54. I’m a follower of Christ, and He makes my life worthwhile.

55. I spend more time than I should looking at guitars, boutique pedals, amps, and gear.

56. I have super-high standards for myself and others.

57. My high standards can make me hard to be around, and I get depressed when I fall short of my standards.

58. I’m a dreamer and vision caster. But I’m also a doer. The judging part of me must put ideas into action and make progress.

59. Working for hours on end isn’t really work if what I’m working on is a meaningful project.

60. Physical health is important to me. I try to exercise four times per week.

61. I don’t always do a good job releasing stress and, consequently, am prone to high blood pressure.

62. Money doesn’t motivate me, but meaning and purpose do.

63. When I was single, I lived on a steady diet of footlong turkey subs, Costco pizza, and cereal because I didn’t want to cook or do dishes.

64. My awesome wife keeps me clothed and in my right my mind.

65. If I don’t get up before 5 or 6 a.m. and do something productive – read a book, write, work on a creative project, etc. – I feel like a lazy bum, even on the weekends.

66. I have to listen to music or an audiobook – or psych myself up – to do the dishes.

67. I’ve always loved being an “expert”. When I was I kid, I learned everything I could about herpetology (the study of reptiles and amphibians) and ichthyology (the study of fish).

68. I, as do most INFJs, love Myers-Briggs personality types.

69. I’m a certified Myers-Briggs practitioner.

70. As an INFJ, I depend on introverted intuition (Ni) to take in information and make sense of the world. Ni adds to my complexity as an INFJ because it’s a largely subconscious and, therefore, unobservable process.

71. I’m also concerned with the welfare of others. What most people notice about me first is my tendency to pick up on how other people are feeling. I include others and help everyone get along, which is my extraverted feeling in action.

72. I loathe talking on the phone.

73. I need to push myself to stay involved in community.

If you’re an INFJ – or if you know one – what do you wish people know about you? Add to the discussion!

Want a life that better suits your INFJ personality? Download the list of My Favorite INFJ Resources to discover how to create it.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • Sapphire Rose

    Wow, I am single and I totally get the no cooking, hate doing dishes thing too. So glad I read this, I’m not alone!

    • No, you are not! Glad you were encouraged, Rose. 🙂

  • Angelica Winton

    I’m an INFJ and I can relate to nearly all of the above! I always thought there was something wrong with me because I hate doing routine chores and things like cooking, that are “never done.” Fortunately, I found a wonderful man who appreciates my mind and focuses less on the mundane. He is the practical one and I am the dreamer.

    • Awesome, Angelica! It’s great to have someone close appreciate you for who you are. I’m married to a very practical lady and love it. Great stuff!

  • Gina Jarasitis

    I just want to chime in with a different perspective about mundane chores. I enjoy them very much, and I think it has to do with being in the moment. Washing a dish can be a doorway to the infinite. The water, where has it come from? Where is it going? The suds are so fractal and constantly changing. The dirty dish connects to the reality of life… I come away feeling amazing.

    • Bo Miller

      That’s a great way to look at chores, Gina. I can learn from that. Love it. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

    • Angelica Winton

      The only time I seek out dish washing as an activity is if I am feeling stressed. That was after I read that it is the best remedy for relieving stress and it really works! But as far as doing it every day as a habit would be hard for me because it is so repetitive.

      • Bo Miller

        Interesting! I’ll have to keep that in mind, Angelica. It makes sense. I’ve read that when INFJs are stressed, they like to organize their environment. Thanks for sharing!

    • Doug Round

      When I was single, I did the dishes depending on the smell coming from the sink and the amount of mold growing there. I little bit after our first child came, my wife asked to get a dishwasher. She said she would bother me again about doing dishes if I would do it. Well, that was one of the best $500.00 I ever spent! Now that both of our children are grown and she has also joined the workforce, I am now being asked to help with dishes. I have started to help out, but I feel like the stars have to be aligned correctly or something before I begin. I bought a steel scrubby and did our baking pans that had carbon build up on them. It took a couple days for her to notice, but she said, “Wow, what did you do to those pans? They look so nice!” It made me feel really good to get the appreciation from her!!

      • Haha! That’s a great story, Doug. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

  • Arissa Thompson

    I can relate to almost everything on that list. I’m very abstract and have difficulty talking and remembering simple words when it comes to speaking my mind.
    Interestingly, despite the fact that every INFJ post or discussion I have ever come across says that they hate talking on the phone, I actually like it. I genuinely enjoy talking to my friend on the phone, or the sort of challenge I feel when I have to call some one I don’t know too well. Even when I was a kid I always wanted to answer the phone.
    But yeah, I can relate to almost everything else. This is really cool!

    • Bo Miller

      That’s awesome, Arissa! Glad you could relate. 🙂

      If you don’t mind me asking, what causes you to love talking on the phone? I could definitely learn from you.

      • Arissa Thompson

        Hmm.
        Well, let’s see. I enjoy talking on the phone because it holds a certain sense of mystery to me. I could be on the phone with someone, and they could be stark naked and baking cookies while they’re talking to me, for all I know. And with facial expressions. I love to read people, and reading people over phone relies on voice alone. It’s always a challenge to guess the person’s expressions. I also find that talking on the phone is kinda like being invisible. I practice on a daily basis manipulating my body language to what I want to say and read others as best I can. So, on the phone, I can be very angry, and be showing it with my body language, but since it’s on the phone and the person can’t see me, as long as my voice is pleasant they don’t know a thing. And, most people usually don’t spend their time studying body language and being consciously aware of it, so it’s as if I have the upper hand and the advantage. See, for me it’s all about finding people’s weaknesses. I do it unconsciously. And then I have the choice to use it for good and to build up, or tear down and completely verbally wreck someone. I don’t, of course, because that would not be the godly thing to do, but it’s always lurking in the back of my mind.
        Basically, (sorry for that incredibly long rabbit trail; I want you to understand all the reasonings behind it) I like to talk to people on the phone because it presents a different way to read people and gives me a chance to become sort of invisible and to chameleon into whatever I want the person to hear, while being able to do/say the exact opposite with my body language. It’s a game to me. Talking on the phone is an exciting game and a challenge, forcing me to rely on my wits to make it through a conversation. (Or it’s easier than face to face) I have a flair for the dramatic, okay?

        • Bo Miller

          Wow! That’s really interesting, Arissa. I never approached talking on the phone like that before, but it sounds like an interesting game, indeed. I do enjoy reading into another person’s tone and trying to figure out what type of person he or she is and what he or she is feeling. Thanks for explaining your rationale so clearly! 🙂

  • Patty

    I relate to so many of these 73 things that it made me laugh out loud. NOW I understand why I have said throughout my life that I HATE to cook. Although, I find that now I am retired and have the time to cook new and interesting things that I have never made before (like make a sourdough starter from scratch and then bread – making it through several failed attempts before I reached success), I am enjoying it more. 🙂 Thanks for posting these Bo, they brought a smile to my heart.

    • Bo Miller

      Wow! That’s some serious cooking, Patty – and that version sounds fun. So glad they brought you a smile! You’re welcome.

  • rethabile

    honestly before I found out I was an infj, i thought to myself… yep, there is smth wrong with you. and people hate my abstract way of thinking and it messes me up because whatever view they have I understand it.

    • Bo Miller

      It’s so nice to know there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just different – and your way of thinking is needed in this world. Thanks for sharing, Rethabile!

  • JD Williams

    Bo, thank you for sharing both yourself and your passion; I’ve learned a great deal about myself as an INFJ. Most importantly, I now feel vindicated as a single man hating to cook! 🙂 I’m certain that my mother and brother are also INFJ’s. Hopefully they will take the test as well, as I know it would be helpful for them too. Thank you again.

    • Absolutely, JD! My pleasure. Glad you feel vindicated! Haha. 🙂

      • JD Williams

        In addition, I asked my neighbor’s daughter to take the test as well. One week after learning that I was an INFP myself, you also helped me to understand how I knew she would be as well. She is, and I only met her for 20 minutes. Makes perfect sense now. Thanks again. My brother is next.

        • Awesome! You’re very welcome, JD.

  • Sharon Haila Jessen

    Hi Bo! I too am an INFJ and like many others like me I have been on a God-quest. Regarding your #36 above, I have found that many of the things the church preaches are worthy of deep questioning and searching. I have rejected many of their so-called “truths”; you might want to consider doing the same. I do not believe we are messed up sinners at all. When you take the whole world into consideration, it just doesn’t make sense. (See books by Bart Ehrman.) Something for you to think about.