Do you know your introvert’s love language?
I only really started paying attention to my wife’s love language at the start of this year. She feels loved when I serve her. Gifts, kind words, and time with people close to her are all nice. But if I want to show her that she means a lot to me, I’ve got to do chores.
So, a couple weeks ago, I set a goal to complete 100 of them – without being asked – by the end of December 2017.
That might not seem like a big deal. But to me, it is.
I despise chores. Redundant tasks are the bane of my existence. When it comes to avoiding vacuuming, washing dishes, folding laundry, and taking out the trash, I’m one of the best. It takes a lot of willpower for me to do any of those tasks.
For that reason, committing to my goal was a big deal. But my wife has been paying attention. In the past couple weeks already, she’s expressed her appreciation several times and seems noticeably happier.
And it’s all because I’m loving her in her language.
The Five Love Languages
I learned about my wife’s love language from Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages. In it, Chapman explains that there are five primary ways of expressing love:
- Quality time
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Physical touch
While all of us appreciate most of these expressions of love, one or two of them is far more meaningful to each of us than the others are.
Gary also says many marriages are having a love language crisis. The husband is trying to love his wife in his love language and the wife vice versa. Both are trying, but neither of them is getting through.
What’s Your Introvert’s Love Language?
Loving your spouse in his or her love language can make a world of difference. Do you know your introvert’s love language?
If not, it’s worth finding out. And it doesn’t have to take a lot of time or money.
I listened to Chapman’s book – which I got from the library – while driving to and from work. It took me about a week at 40 minutes a day.
You can also take the Five Love Languages test online.
Reaping the Rewards
Once you learn your spouse’s love language, you’ve got to put that knowledge to use to benefit.
I learned my wife’s love language during our premarital counseling. But I never planned out how I was going to serve her. So that knowledge never did me much good.
That is, until this year. Now, the two or three extra chores I’m doing each week are paying off.
When you discover your spouse’s love language, do yourself a favor and come up with your own plan of action. Think of a few practical ways you can show your spouse you love him or her throughout the week.
Here are few suggestions to get you started. Focus on the one that applies to your spouse’s love language.
- Quality time. Go for a half-hour walk each night.
- Words of affirmation. Write a note telling your spouse why you appreciate him or her.
- Acts of service. Do a few chores you’ve been avoiding.
- Physical touch. Intentionally hug your spouse several times per day.
- Gifts. Get your spouse his or her favorite candy.
If you’re skeptical of this whole love language thing, consider trying it for a week or two. Love your spouse in his or her love language, and don’t expect anything in return. Then, see what happens. I’m confident the results will please you.
Who knows, you may even end up setting a goal to do a 100 chores.