How to Find Your Passion (for INFJs)

How do you find your passion and the work that you were meant to do as an INFJ? This is an important question that many of us are asking, perhaps even after going into what we thought would be our life’s work.

INFJs have numerous interests as well as high expectations for what they want out of life, the curse of idealism. And in our current age, culture is telling us that we need to find our fulfillment and identity in what we do. But is that too much to ask of a job?

While wrestling with the role of work and passions as sources of meaning and fulfillment, I learned a great method for finding suitable work as well as some perspective on the role and purpose of work.

Are you an INFJ struggling to find your passion? It can be hard to choose between several interests and pinpoint what you're good at. These three elements can help!

Who do people see: The chameleon or real you?

I have two sides: the chameleon and the real me. When I’m first getting to know someone, I reflect back to him or her what I think he or she wants to see. I adapt to his or her conversation style and interests, holding back my true thoughts and opinions, much like a chameleon blends in with a tree branch. This goes on until I’m sure a person is safe and I decide I want to take the relationship deeper.

As a result, many people never get to know my true thoughts and feelings. They see only a shadow of the real me. I blend in to preserve harmony, minimize conflict, and protect my thin skin.

Many INFJs I’ve met do life this way. Is this a bad thing? Why do we act this way, and what can we learn from our behavior?

Why do INFJs blend in and act like chameleons? Why is it so hard to share the real you? Learn why and what you can do about it in this post.

5 of the Best Personal Growth Books for the INFJ

INFJs enjoy few things more than seeing people change and grow. Our intuition and desire to help others make us natural coaches, counselors, and teachers. But we also love to experience personal transformation. And one of the best ways to continually invest in personal growth is to read (or listen to) great books.

If it weren’t for the books I’ve read over the past few years, I most likely wouldn’t be blogging, YouTubing, or podcasting to encourage other INFJs. The ideas and messages I’ve read over the past few years have changed me.

Thinking about that fact made me ponder which books have changed me most. I keep a running list of the books that I read each year, so I took a few minutes to review the past three years. In this post, I’ll share the top 5 non-fiction books – and an honorable mention – that impacted my life. They’re books you’ll enjoy and that will change you if you apply their lessons and take advantage of their insights.

What are the best personal growth books for INFJs? Which books will lead to the transformation you want and help you achieve your most important goals? Read this post to learn about 5 must-read books for every INFJ.

Two Major Causes of INFJ Stress

What stresses out an INFJ?

At work, I’m usually most stressed out when I have to juggle a number of responsibilities at the same time. When I’m working on an evaluation, doling out makeup assessments, tracking missed homework, answering the phone during lessons, responding to emails, turning in behavior updates, adding calendar events, and contacting parents – often at the same time – I feel more than a bit overwhelmed. None of the tasks or to-dos by itself is too much, but juggling several at once is too much.

Other times, the major source of stress in my life is interpersonal conflict – or at least perceived interpersonal conflict. To get my point across, I have to get to the bottom line fast and be extremely direct. Otherwise, certain people won’t listen to me. And since we INFJs like to be careful, kind, and encouraging with our words, direct communication can seem harsh and insensitive, so we try to avoid it at all costs.

Why are details and direct communication so stressful for an INFJ? And what can we do about them?

What stresses out an INFJ and why? A brief look at the source of your stress - details and direct communication - can lead to significant relief and, if nothing else, the understanding that there's nothing wrong with you. Read more here.

How to Find Someone Interesting to Talk to

Can we talk about something interesting? Part 2

In a previous post, I shared several suggestions that can help you enjoy more interesting conversations. The strategies are most helpful when you’re talking to down-to-earth, practical, “here-and-now” people. When these folks are friends, family members, or coworkers, the work it takes to go deep is often worth the results.

But how can you have a conversation that you’ll really enjoy? And how can you find a suitable conversation partner who shares your passions and interests?

How can you go deep and find someone interesting to talk to? Who or what should you be looking for, and what are some practical steps that'll make a difference for you fast? Read this post to find out.

Can we talk about something interesting?

Part 1

Do people’s eye glaze over when you start to talk about something that interests you? If this happens to you on a regular basis, you know how frustrating it can be. It’s a common INFJ challenge.

You want to have a conversation that’s meaningful and engaging, but the topic tends to cycle back to what’s happening in the news, what so-and-so said, the weather – virtually anything tied to the five senses.

How can you have an exciting, mutually stimulating discussion and talk about something enjoyable?

Are you an INFJ who's tired of boring conversations? How can you talk about what interests you with others? Read this post to learn 6 practical ideas you can use today.

The INFJ Entrepreneur: The Pros and Cons

One of the biggest INFJ pain points is career dissatisfaction. It’s hard to find a job that meets all of your needs, captures your interest, and honors your values. It’s a small wonder, then, that many INFJs are exploring entrepreneurship.

But is it right for you? Consider some of the pros and cons before deciding.

Could you make it as an INFJ entrepreneur? What are the pros and cons of owning your own business, and is it the right kind of work for you? Read this post to find out!

How can an INFJ stay in the moment?

When I was a 7 or 8, I’d spend forever putting my socks on. Getting caught up in thoughts about reptiles and amphibians, future possibilities, or a deep question was too easy, and before I knew it, 3 to 5 minutes had slipped away. In fact, that still happens to me, only I’m usually thinking about personality psychology, the mind, or an exciting idea.

Needless to say, staying in the moment and enjoying it is anything but my forte. I feel as though I mainly have a mind and my body is just an appendage, to borrow Susan Storm’s analogy. (AJ Drenth also describes this experience here.) And this seems to be the case for many INFJs.

But there are definitely times when it’s important for you and me to be in the moment. We need to be present, for example, when listening to family and friends; they find out all too quickly when we’re lost in our thoughts and not paying attention. We also need to stay present when working with coworkers, clients, and customers because our work depends on it.

So how can an INFJ stay in the moment?

How can you stay in the moment as an INFJ when it's so easy to get lost in thoughts? Check out this article to learn 5 practical, actionable tips that'll help you remain in the present.

4 INFJ Needs You Shouldn’t Ignore

In a recent conversation with a guest on The INFJ Personality Show, I was reminded of the importance of two INFJ needs:

  1. Continual learning
  2. Impact

As I reflected on the value of these needs in the lives of the INFJs I know, as well as my own life, I was reminded of two others:

  1. Independence
  2. Beauty

In the past few years, again and again, I’ve observed just how important these four needs can be to the quality of your day, whether at work or at home. They’re certainly not everything, but they’re a phenomenal starting point.

Do they resonate with you? If so, why are these needs so important to us? Read on to learn a few reasons why.

What does an INFJ need in life and work? And how can you know what needs are a core part of your personality? Check out this post to find out!

INFJ or ISFJ – What’s the difference?

Determine whether you're an INFJ or ISFJ.

“Am I an INFJ or ISFJ?” Have you ever asked that question?

When you’re initially trying to figure out which personality type fits you better, it can be a bit confusing – especially if you’re relying solely on the preferences (e.g. I/E, N/S, etc.).

If you look a bit deeper, and keep in mind a few general tendencies and patterns that are true of each type, figuring out which you are becomes a bit easier.

To that end, let’s take a look at several differences between INFJs and ISFJs to help you tell which you are.

Not sure whether you're an INFJ or ISFJ? Want to learn some of the core differences between each of the types. Read this article.