How does an introvert survive holiday parties?

If you’re like me, you’ve contrived a number of clever excuses for not showing up at seasonal gatherings. Or perhaps you don’t need excuses – just a good trashcan for invitations.

Before you discard that next invitation, stop and think for a second. 

How are you nurturing your existing work relationships?

Relationships require time and shared experiences. You’ve got to stay in touch with people to keep relationships alive. Holiday parties are an excellent way for you touch base with your connections.

While you may not enjoy spending time with lots of people all at once, seasonal parties are a great way to connect with a bunch of people you haven’t seen in a while. By quickly touching base with them during a party, you keep the relationships alive and show the people you appreciate them. Furthermore, doing this all at once can save you a lot of legwork throughout the year.

Holiday gatherings also give you the chance to meet new people. You never know what interesting person your coworker may be friends with or married to. And even if you don’t meet anyone new, parties are a great opportunity to practice your conversational skills.

So the real question isn’t Should you go? but, rather, How do you go and connect with people in a way that works for you?

1. Determine the time.

As an introvert, you don’t have limitless party energy. Talking to a bunch of people is going to drain you. Deciding how long you can afford to be out will enable you to survive holiday parties.

Maybe you can stand an hour. Maybe it’s two. Make up your mind ahead of time, and you’ll be free to spend your energy thoughtfully. You’ll know how to distribute it because you’ll know when the cut off is.

2. Have a goal.

What do you want to accomplish at the get-together? Do you want to mingle with certain people? Meet someone new? Improve your conversational skills?

Set a goal beforehand. It’ll make your time at the party more purposeful. And it’ll help you to feel as though you’ve accomplished something meaningful with your time.

Consider making your goal measurable too. If you plan to talk to five people, for instance, right down their names and what you talked about after the event. Tracking your progress will give you a way to measure your effectiveness and a benchmark for the future.

3. Plan breaks.

If you can’t stand to mingle with people the whole time you’re at the party, think ahead by planning a break.

You don’t have to stay out in the crowd the whole time. Duck into the bathroom. Find the snack table. You might even consider going for a brief walk outside. That’s a strategy that Marti Olsen Laney, Psy. D. recommends in her book The Introvert Advantage.

Taking a 5- to 10-minute recharge break is perfectly legitimate if it will enable you to stay among the partygoers longer than you could otherwise.

4. Find a quiet space.

While it’s good to work your way into a big group from time to time, consider your introvert strengths. You excel at one-on-one – or small group – conversations. So find someone you enjoy talking to, and strike up a conversation of mutual interest. It’ll make the time fly.

Also, feel free to drift to the fringes of the crowd where other introverts hang out. You don’t have to be in the middle of the big group the whole time. Sophia Dembling, author of The Introvert’s Way says that side rooms and bookshelves attract introverts. Find these places and you’ll find interesting conversational partners.

Whatever you do, remember to monitor your energy level, and duck in and out of the big group accordingly.

5. Take a friend.

If you don’t know who you’re going to talk to, take a friend. While you stand among the crowd, the two you can talk about something that interests you. Your mere presence will show the host you appreciate his or her invitation and party-organizing effort.

If you want to be adventurous and mingle, your friend can help. With a partner by your side, you won’t have to shoulder the weight of a conversation all by yourself. You and your friend can alternate asking and answering questions.

Most conversations are easier with two. It gives you room to think, breathe, and just listen.

6. Plan another commitment.

When it comes time to go, it’s wise to have a good excuse in your back pocket. Put something on your calendar prior to arriving. Even if that something is “downtime at home”, write it on your calendar. That way, when you leave, you can tell the host you have another commitment.

No one ever said you had to disclose what that commitment is!

To leave a party tactfully, seek out the host, and try the following:

“(Host’s name), thanks so much for inviting me to your party! You did a great job putting this event together, and I had a great time. Unfortunately, I have to be going. I have another commitment. I hope you enjoy the rest of the evening, and I look forward to seeing you at (next likely meeting place). Thanks again!”

Be sincere, and truly express your appreciation. Your presence and your thoughtful goodbye will do wonders for the relationship.

Holiday parties don’t have to be a drag! How do you survive holiday parties?